come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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