omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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