Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
