How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
