When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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