Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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