We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
