i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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