Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
