This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
