No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
