Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
