Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
