I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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