Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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