The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
