guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
