dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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