im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize