call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
