Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
