Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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