i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
