FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
