can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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