I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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