he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
