he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize