the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
