I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
