I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize