dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
