you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
