Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
