Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
