R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize