I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
