He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
