Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
