and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
