i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
