I am puke
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
