did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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