I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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