his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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