youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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