I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
