dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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