Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
there is puke in my bra ... again
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