is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize