I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
