So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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