god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
