I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
