I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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