Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
