i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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