why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize