You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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