I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
