I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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