we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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