there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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