No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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