So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
