go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
