My room smells like vodka and shame
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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