she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I deserve this hangover.
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