Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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