I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
