i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
