so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
