my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
