I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
