I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
