In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize