there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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