if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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