arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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