they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
