oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
