All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
