Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
