Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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