You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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