he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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