Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
