The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize