so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
