youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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