you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
