good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
