Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
