my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
