mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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