Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
