You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
