how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
