Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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