Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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