maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
