I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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