You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize