wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize