butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
