The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
