I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
