nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
