Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my poor anus
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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