Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize