It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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