Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
