where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
